not sure

Hey.

There are lots of things I'm not sure about.

I'm not sure how my family works, and how I fit into it sometimes. There is a fracture, with dad on one side and my mom and my sisters on the other, and I love them all, and I'm not on either side, even though there's people who aren't my dad or my mom and my sisters who seem to have a really good idea of where I should be. And the Bible doesn't really address this issue at all, so most of the cliche's that Christians throw my way (and that I ultimately hate anyway) are meaningless.

I'm not sure what to do when there is something that seems good to me, that I want, that I think God wants for me, that is denied on a fairly consistent basis.

I'm not sure what to do when it feels (emphasis on feels) like I am a convenient shoulder to cry on, but once the tears are done, there is no more use for me, and I can be discarded. I'm not sure what to do when I have tears of my own and wouldn't mind a shoulder and there isn't one around.

I'm not sure if it's okay to claim to follow Jesus, claim to have this hope that all things will be made right, and yet to have days when all you really long for is for that hope to be realized, not because you've been hoping for so long and it would be nice, but because you no longer are satisfied with simply hoping and believing and you just want to know.

I'm not sure if I make any sense when I speak about things I think about.

I'm not sure if it's always a good idea to continue to turn the other cheek, to always go the extra mile, to always love your neighbour as yourself, because your cheeks start to hurt after a while, there always seems to be just one more mile, and your neighbour can sometimes be a douchebag who will take advantage of your love.

I'm not sure if douchebag is an appropos word to use given the context.

I AM pretty sure that this blog, in itself, does not encapsulate my thoughts on everything,

But I'm not sure how to navigate the things in life I'm not sure about.

reflection

soooooooooooooooooooooooooo

christmas makes me reflective, nostalgic for who knows what, and seeing as how it's all year end and everything, I figure I would kinda take stock of this year . . .


First off, let's get these caps back where they belong. That's better . . .



The two-oh-one-oh has been a pretty sweet year for me. Oh, sure, there are a ton of things that I meant to do and haven't, some things I never dreamed I do that I did, and some refining of my outlook on life that, fingers crossed, is more in line with what this human experience known as life was meant to be.

I'm an uncle :) It probably won't stop being cool for me until just after the rocking party that will be my funeral ends. And probably for a little bit after that.

Usually I get mopey around Christmas for whatever reason, but screw that. Life is so good . . . a co worker of mine, after a rather lengthy two player bitch-fest lasted all day, suggested we think of ten things we're both thankful for.

I'm still coming up with things. And it's not that it was an incredibly revolutionary idea, or one that no one has thought of . . . just something I seem to forget to do on an annual basis around this time, choosing instead to focus on hurts, real or imagined, like some self-damning Grinch.

I'm not sure if Grinch is supposed to be capitalized. Is it a name, a species, a title?

Anyway . . . prolly not gonna blog a whole lot over the holidays - in ontario for 10 days, preaching tomorrow, christmas play coming up, and all that jazz - but guaranteed I'll have a lot to write in the new year.


Merry Christmas all


Greg