seasons

"Change can be so constant that you don"t even feel the difference till there is one - it can be so slow that you don't know your life is better or worse until it is, or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant . . . it happened to me."

So I love life as a house. Wonderful movie. Haven't seen it for a while, but whatever - it's still the same movie, right? I like that movies are like that - unchanging . . . you can know them for all that they are; once you know the plot, it doesn't change. I find comfort in this sometimes - one of my favorite things to do when I'm feeling a bit down or whatever is to watch The Office or Lost on DVD. I like it because it is familiar, and if home does not equal a fixed geographical location, or if that location doesn't match the location of your heart (where, apparently, home is), then it's nice to have something that feels like home to you.

Back to LaaH. The quote above is what the father says to his son, and it's one of the most poignant moments in a movie full of them. I think we sometimes view life change as these big moments that are dramatic and full and if there was an orchestra nearby they would be playing a very heart moving piece. You know, like the climax of most movies. I think we yearn for these moments because they are easily discernible, and in the area of life where we are most led astray - romance - we think that love equals something big, that real displays of affection are otherwordly lavish.


Well

because we think this, we have a holiday dedicated to doing just that, where if you bring chocolates and roses and a card, you're a good boyfriend, even if you were a shit for the past 364 days.

because we think this, we have unreal expectations of those we love and hope to be loved by.

and because we think this, we miss a lot of very lovely moments.



Sorry - this was written in October, but I'm publishing it here on November 23rd . . .

blue like jazz

hey

reading blue like jazz currently. love it. i haven't got too far yet, but there is something that has already caught my imagination.

donald miller talks about how jazz doesn't resolve, and so he found it hard to like jazz until he watched someone play the saxophone on the street for 15 minutes without opening his eyes. and then he says that he never really loved god because god doesn't resolve . . . .

there are things in my life that have no resolution, and these things drive me crazy at times. i find it hard to let them be. now, it's not that i find it hard to let everything be, just that there are some things that have no real ending in my life, but they also aren't still ongoing . . . know what i mean? there is no resolution, more of a fading away, gradual and subtle.

it's the messiness of life that really messes us up, eh? if things were more black and white, we'd have a better time understanding our place in the story. we would know when doors are closed, when chapters are finished . . . instead life seems more like the passing of the seasons - things happen around the time they should (unless your in calgary - snow in july? 20 degree weather in january? wtf?), and you don't really know how to tell when spring begins and summer ends, for instance.

hmmmm. maybe that's part of what i's supposed to be learning here. life is more like calgary's weather - no resolution, and though there is an underlying pattern, it's futile to try and decipher it sometimes :)

anyway, the moral of the story is that i'm learning to be okay with a resolutionless existence . . . i'm okay if things kinda hang with no clear end or answer.