Currently Listening to : Dare you to Move, Switchfoot, from The Beautiful Letdown.
Current mood / state : Exasperated at my own financial incompetence at times, longing to see my mom and three wonderful sisters (and that crazy dog / cat combo they have ) , concerned about Ernesto, but holding on with an open grip, thankful for the journey but a little weary, and in need of a hug.
Hey whoever :) There are times that I call eternal instants - where you know something really deep and on a soul level is going on, where the drabness of reality melts away and something transcendent happens - and I'm beginning to see and comprehend them with a greater regularity. I realize I'm still quite young, but already it has been impressed on my mind just how delicate this thread called life is. Not can be - is. Every moment, every breath is a gift to be treasured.
This past Monday, I found myself in an eternal instant that was especially transcendent. A dear friend, who is bravely battling cancer, was the subject of that evening's gathering. Nothing big, mind you, but then again God doesn't always need a crowd to do His thing. And just as God was, is, and will be doing His thing in Ernesto's life, He's been doing something in mine.
As much as I talk about letting things go at times, I really do find it hard to do. I hate good byes. I hate having people enter my life and then leave. It cuts right to my core. The emptiness is never really filled, because it is for a particular person that I find myself feeling empty - and even God in His humility dares not fill it. He seems to allow us to need people, and grieve them when they are gone, if only to prove that individual's have intrinsic worth and value.
Holding on with an open hand - a wonderful idea, and ultimately the only way to not go insane trying to keep up with the joneses, but also a wonderful relational tool. You see, each of us has a place in our sphere of existence where only God and us exist. And if we aren't okay there by ourselves, we'll never be okay with anyone, no matter how wonderful they are.
I've rambled a bit, and this week has been a bit of a rambling week, but basically, in that eternal instant Monday night, I got to know three people I admire and respect and love in a whole new, deeper way. And really, that's what this life is about, isn't it? Getting to know others better - especially that God character.
