At different points over the past year and change or so, I've blogged about feeling restless . . . this feeling of a storm inside me, pulling me in every direction without any indication of where I should go. At times like these, I just get an urge to GO, somewhere, anywhere . . .
For the time being, though, all my transportation plans hinge on someone else. I can, of course, still walk, but there are few places that I can walk to that I feel like going to when I am restless.
I like how Bono sums this up - the idea of being stuck in a moment - because it isn't just physically that I feel stuck. There is this urge to . . . hmmm . . . grow? I'm not quite sure how to phrase it. Progress might be a better way - an urge to progress in life, to get closer to where I'm going.
Yet there have been a lot of signs indicating that staying is the best option, letting roots grow deep where I am.
If you think about a tree, we only see the growth on the outside, above ground, and it is there that our awe and, dare I say respect for trees is found - in what we can see of its leaves and branches and trunk. When was the last time you marvelled at the beauty of a sequoia's roots? Or of the root system of a maple?
Yet where would these trees be without deep roots?
And consider also what roots are for. They provide nutrients from the soil, yes, but also are an anchor for the tree. A tree survives storms because its roots are strong.
So while I'm finding it hard to enjoy this particular aspect of this season of life, I understand the significance and merit of it. Without a deep rooted sense of who I am and what I am made for, the same storms that took me out before will keep having a say on what course my life takes, instead of being mere annoyances to push on through.
And the pull I feel in many directions? Well, I feel a bit of a pull back to Ontario, where I will be an uncle sometime around the middle of October. I feel a pull to the wild, to just eke out a living in a cabin somewhere and feel freer than I have before. I feel a pull to Holland and Scotland, where my family is from. I feel a strong pull to my friends here, who I love so very much. There is a pull to Uganda, to rescue child soldiers, and a pull to Thailand, to free little boys and girls from the perverse indulgences of men who are not worthy to be called that. And there is a pull to see the person in the world I miss the most . . .
I'd love to say there is no rush, but in all reality life is forever slipping away, and the days we have left to do that which is worth doing will not wait for us to decide what to do. And, yet, reckless action just for the sake of doing SOMETHING is ill-advised as well.
If you're getting frustrated reading this at all, then maybe you can empathize with where I'm at right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment