be

This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.

Garden state is a great movie. Go watch it now.

I like movies that make me think about things, things I either already now and accept as true, or things I've never really thought about but always kinda felt, or things I never thought about and wouldn't have unless I watched that film or was otherwise exposed to that thinking.

I think it's better to allow yourself to feel and experience a wide range of emotions than to try to bottle them up inside, or to medicate yourself so you can never be really happy but at least not be sad.

If you happen to be one of those stable people who doesn't have a wide range of emotions, then by all means, celebrate who you are ( it will be a tame celebration, but at least there won't be drama). But if you are like me, and a sunrise can light up your soul, and the sound of rain brings unspeakable joy, and the pain of another is too much to just sit and observe . . . if you are moved deeply by deep things, please don't try to pretend you're not. I don't think there is a better way about this at all ( I used to be condescending and think that EVERYONE should be as emotive as I thought I was - which was funny, as it came on the heels of stuffing all my shit down for most of my life), or at least not a better way that we can prescribe for humanity based on how we react to situations.

I can't get this to un-italicize, so I've stopped trying. Boo :(

Maybe the best way to be fully alive, to have abundant life, is to be fully yourself, whatever that self looks like. Some people can see an image of a starving child and sleep fine that night. Some people want to give the world a hug every time they draw a breath. Most of us exist somewhere in the middle, I imagine, and all of us should strive (and encourage others to strive) to be all we are created to be . . .

For my part, I didn't cry in Garden State. And I'm okay with that - it still touched me deeply.

Also, I will never start off a blog in italics again.