I'm blogging right now because I didn't go into work, and if I don't have something quantitative that I can hold up and say "Here! I did something today!" then I'll never be able to sleep tonight. It's weird, eh, the things that make us who we are - I'm learning that I am particularly driven to get things done each day, and if it's on my list to do and it doesn't get accomplished, then that day may as well not have happened.
Also, the achievements of yesterday - they are in the past, forgotten, as if they never existed. Now, this applies more to my life at work then my personal life, but the two are intertwined at points. But really, it fleshes out like this - let's say I did something so far above and beyond the expectations of what I would do that I get a raise or something, just completely blow someone away. I'd go home, have supper, go to bed, wake up, and then treat that day as if I was starting all over again. Yesterday was nice, but right now we have today, and ONLY today.
Sometimes, though, there are laurels you DO wish to rest on, and in the reverse of what I said earlier, I find they happen more in my personal life then at work. But the two are intertwined at points.
Heart Mountain, in the Alberta Rockies near Canmore, has an elevation of just over 7,000 feet. And this past weekend, I was part of a group of co-workers who made it up at least 6,500 of those feet (rough estimate).
I wish I could write what it feels like to me to scale a mountain - small though Heart Mountain be - and sit at the top (or close to it), looking out over matchless beauty. Rarely do I feel so alive. One of my greatest dreams is to fly, and when looking down at the rest of creation so far below, I get a sense of what makes eagles want to keep soaring. It touches deep down inside me somewhere, resonates with a kind of primal intensity.
I feel like a man.
Please don't dismiss this as empty machismo. I'm sure if I was a woman, I'd be writing about how this experience makes me feel like a woman as well. Maybe that's just the point - that we've so cut ourselves off from our "outer selves" (props to Moosehead) that going BACK to the wild like this is going back to something that makes us who we are, both as individuals and collectively.
In any event, I'm quite proud of this feat. I'm going back to get to the top. And I've already got my next "big thing" to achieve planned - running a 10 k in September. If you knew me at all a few seconds ago even, this would seem out of character for Greg. I don't know what to say other than that it's a physical manifestation of a spiritual happening - that in my deepest personal life, there have been victories I thought I'd never see, and now I want to DO things I thought I'd never do.
Maybe this is the sinus congestion talking, maybe it's the cocktail of cough syrup / vitamin c / echinacea / advil that I've ingested over the last little bit, but I love life, love MY life, more than I ever have before.
Or, I will once I'm healthy. Boo for being sick in June.
PS - I think I may be done with the Frank Drebin thing for now. The header makes a TON of sense to me for this blog, but I don't think I can explain it. And I fear that once my head clears, I'll come back and have no clue why I wrote it in . . . oh well.
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