To Be Known . . .

Now, I know there are just a handful of people who read this, and all of you reading this probably have talked to me in the past week or so, and so you know what's going on in my life recently.

The following is a song I wrote for Tamara Larson, who is the "most beautiful woman I've ever met" that I mentioned a few blogs ago. I'm going to assume that every one out there in blogger-land has experienced some kind of relationship ending . . . with Tam and I, there has been this cycle that we go on. I'm not always sure how it gets to the point where it ends, but I DO know that it starts with me welcoming her back in after a prolonged absence.

I wrote this song for my father, Gerry, who has been far from a perfect father - shit, far from a GOOD father - for most of his life. I can remember waiting at basketball practices for two or three hours because he forgot to pick me up, or waiting on the bench at home games, earnestly scanning the crowd of 20 people to see if he was one of them.

I wrote this song for my mother and sisters, who I love with all my heart, but who I have felt invisible to at times.

I wrote this song to get some deep stuff out, not because I hate any of the preceding people. It's just how I've felt.

I wrote this song for God, because I think He gets it better than anyone.

I wrote this song after hearing Rachel play a song with the same sentiment this past summer.

To Be Known

How long should I wait here in front of you

How long until I've wasted my time, again

All I want is for you to open your eyes

And for once, see who I really am.

But you don't even know me at all

I could spend my whole life, and still

You'd never really know me at all

I wonder if you ever will . . .

I could try to speak your language

And when I do, there's a spark of hope

Then it's gone

You've moved on

And I'm still here

And I've got nothing left to show

For the times that you cried

And I dried your eyes

The times you did the same for me

All the times that we laughed

Oh, I miss them so bad

It seemed to good to be

And it was

Because

You never really knew me at all

You thought you did, and you were wrong

You never really knew me at all

And I've been here all along

Maybe I never really knew you

Even though I thought I did

I wanted so badly to know you

How did we end up like this?

God - do you even really know me?

Sometimes I wonder if you care

And if you really truly know me

Why does it seem you're not even there

God, do I really even know you?

Is your heartache the same as mine?

When you want somebody to know you

And they don't seem to have the time

Please

take

the

time

The Great Hope I have is not that , in the times when I feel like this, that "this too shall pass". My God is far bigger than that - He doesn't just brush things aside and numb the pain.

No, but a far better promise is this - This too shall be made right :) And it's exciting to see some, if not all of these relationships, and others that I haven't explicitly mentioned here, being MADE RIGHT.