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Hey :)

It's about 6 am here. I flew into Calgary last night from Ontario at about quarter to 9. I work at a cafe at 6pm today.

I have no idea why I'm awake.

Since I'm awake, I might as well do something, and since I don't really feel like doing anything, I might as well blog. If my last post seems a little depressing, well, life isn't always sunshine and lollipops.

Whenever I hear the word home, I'm a bit conflicted, and have been for years. Since I was 19, I've never stayed in one spot for very long. Owen Sound is home by virtue of the fact that my mom and sisters live there . . . but I haven't lived there for longer than 4 or 5 months in a row since I graduated high school. I went to school in New Brunswick, and that definitely never felt like home. The house I live in and get mail sent to is now in Calgary, and there is an awesome group of people out here I would consider family, but it's not quite home either . . .

When I graduated from school, I began an internship at Calvary Baptist Church in Leamington, Ontario. It took me a few weeks to settle in, but after a while, it really started to feel like home. Then I began dating the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and it felt even more like home. I was at this place in life where I started to feel like I was doing exactly what I was made to do . . .

Unfortunately, I wasn't who I was made to be. We don't have to get into all the whys concerning why nothing of that previous statement currently exists in my life, but the Reader's Digest Condensed version is that I had a lot of growing up to do. And though I recognize this, that period in my life still haunts me a little to this day. I'm not looking for a pity party here, but none of the jobs I've worked since stepping down as a youth pastor are as fulfilling, mainly because they are strictly a means to an end.


I had a wonderful time with my family this past week. I'd been away for so long, I don't think I really realized just how much I missed them. We're a quirky bunch, but I love that about us. Pretty sure anyone who darkens our door would feel the same warmth and love that I feel when I go back to Owen Sound :)

I've been asked why I moved out to Calgary, and I give a number of reasons each time, depending on the audience. Sometimes I'll say that I did it because Erika consistently beat me in Halo (which is true), or that I wanted a sense of adventure (also true) . . . sometimes I say that it's because Ontario reminds me of failing, of having something and then losing it because of negligence. I think the last one is closer.

In that regard, this trip was redemptive for me in that my connection with my flesh and blood family, which had been weakening in my time in Calgary, was strengthened. And though I wasn't looking for any particular spiritual lesson, one came to me on my last day in Ontario, moments before getting dropped off at the airport.

There is always a plan at work, and we are foolish to make judgment calls about situations without knowing their end. I, for one, am quick to proclaim things as being "good" or "bad", without fully knowing the depth of a circumstance. Abraham, for instance, is considered faithful because he believed in the promises of God. If I really and truly believe God can do anything, why doesn't my life back that up sometimes?

Perhaps it's unrelated to this issue of "where is home", but I like it anyway.