The Lies . . .

Hey :) Thanks for reading. Today's thoughts might seem a little more personal (which is odd, as this is a rather impersonal way to divulge information), but I feel there is some sort of communal benefit in opening up certain parts of our lives, especially when it is something we all face.

Now, if you're reading this and don't have a world-view that you would describe as 'Christian' in any way, shape, or form, some of this might seem a little far. But I trust that it will resonate in some way with your experiences.

Though I might be off on what I'm about to say, I so strongly believe that I'm not that I take this less as perception and more as reality. We are all of us targets of an enemy, and if Jesus' words in John 10 are true, then this enemy is a thief and comes to kill and steal and destroy, whereas Jesus comes to show a way to life, and that more abundant. I've never bought into the "God as a Cosmic Killjoy" view - though I rarely feel like I understand the actions I attribute to Him, and though I sometimes let bitterness get the best of me, truth is deep down I trust that though life doesn't make sense, God is active in bringing about shalom, a permeating peace. This peace is not so much the absence of conflict as the presence of calm amidst conflict, if that makes any sense.

So if God is active in bringing about good (ie abundant life), then the situations that lead away from an abundance in life are not from Him - abundance here understood as not strictly material. If not from God, then they are from this thief. And their intent and purpose is to kill and steal and destroy, not bless and edify and encourage.

Kind of a messy situation, this, if we try to put all situations in a box and say "This is obviously ALWAYS God's work." I'm not trying to over spiritualize every situation. But these deep things that haunt our sleepless nights, these wounds that pierce us in places we don't let others see, and these hurts that we can't seem to recover from - these are spiritual. If Jesus tells us there is an Enemy who wants to kill and steal and destroy, is it outlandish to suggest that right now, we are under attack in an effort to be killed, to have something stolen from us, to be left destroyed?

Let me make it a little concrete for you here. And I hate classroom kind of arguments or illustrations - imagine a girl who has . . . picture a family that . . .

So here are my hurts, the areas I feel I am lied to. I do this not to seek validation or affirmation (though don't hold back), but to hopefully inspire you to be open about your own hurts.

It's the silence that empowers them.


- I AM A FAILURE. Not just in one particular area, like relationships or career or home cooking or education or whatever. I don't feel I'm particularly good at anything. This isn't a daily thing that I have to battle with, and for the most part, I recognize successes. But it's there, the moment I legitimately don't succeed at something or fall flat on my face. Of all my hurts, it's both one of the most constant ones, and, oddly, one of the easiest to get over.

- I'M NOT WORTH STAYING FOR. This one was big. Historically, it's led to sabotaged friendships in an effort to preemptively avoid getting hurt. Since moving to Calgary, and having some sense of constancy, it's been a lot easier to recognize this lie as soon as it presents itself. Before, it was gospel, and was closely related to

- I WILL BE ABANDONED. Now, you'd think coming to see myself in a new light, letting go of thoughts of unworthiness and all, would lead to the death of this lie. But I guess I still feel like I live in a Truman show like tension - like one day I'll find out for sure that this has all been a sham. I know, it's silly, right? And I recognize this when I say it and write it (part of the reason you are now reading it), but yet, because it hurts so much to be abandoned, this is sort of a no brainer area to pounce on. And not only will I be abandoned, but -

- I WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE. I don't mean alone like no other humans around in a Charleton Heston in The Omega Man kind of way ( or Will Smith in I Am Legend - basically the same story). What I mean by this is that there are parts of me that I really want to share with people, in deep and meaningful ways. I'm not interested in surface level friendships, any kind of camaraderie that doesn't require more of me than a physical presence. In the times that I feel I don't have these (such as a prolonged absence from those I consider my deep true friends), I feel lonely - even if I'm in a stadium of people. And when the absence is lifted and we re connect, we don't have to dive into discussion about our emotions and how we're REALLY doing per se. Sometimes you just need to stick a friend in Halo, or sit and watch the world together, or consume unholy amounts of avian limbs.

K, I dunno about you guys, but I'm feeling a lot better now that those lies are there for all the world to see. Like I said, it's the silence that empowers them.

Here's to abundant living