Long Time Coming . . .

I recounted my life's story, or at least the parts I figure most people would never know or guess, to Peter and Mary, my good friend Sara's parents, and the people with whom I am boarding (whom I am boarding with? Whatever. I live in their house.)

And it hit me as I told my tale - the horrible parts, the parts that no one was allowed to know ever, the things that brought me shame - they don't have that power anymore. Now, there is still a lot that I DIDN'T say . . . really, it was quite a bit tamer than all I could have said. But there are details of things that have happened to me that no one needs to know about outside of God and me and Peggy . . . either way, nothing from my past has any kind of hold or say on my present.

I blame Mike for helping me think this way :) (Thanks Mike). If it wasn't for his sermon on Sunday, I might not have started down this path of thought. I have a friend who recently blogged on her thoughts on Easter, and she is to blame as well . . .

Resurrection life, the life available to us in a post-Easter world, is a life where who we were doesn't have to be who we are, and who we were meant to be is who we can become. There is life out of death, beauty in the broken, and peace where once there was war. For most of my life, I have had a sense of restlessness inside, like who I was wasn't in line with who I appeared to be. I don't know how else to put it other than that - like I didn't really recognize that guy looking back at me in the mirror. There were things I would do and BE that didn't line up with what I felt to be true on a very deep level . . .

That war is abating now. Again, I'm not sure how to say it other than that I feel more in line with myself. It's been a very humbling process, and I've had to learn some hard lessons over and over and over again. And I'm sure there are more to follow . . . but for now, there is a peace, a contentedness, and if I am restless at all, it is only to dive even further into this adventure of life in due time.

There is no formula for life
No math can explain a soul on a journey
Grace rarely makes sense from the outside looking in
And there is no one I will not forgive
For I have been forgiven of all


If you are reading this, I want to hug you. And I really don't care if that seems "unmanly" or whatever - I know who I am . . .

Finally :)