Manifesto

Currently listening to : Hoppipolla

Current mood : Focused / Anticipatory


K - heads up. This is gonna be jumbled a bit. I think.

I talk a lot. I realize I'm adding to that by just talking here, but I feel like I say some things without fully thinking through what it's going to look like to live them out.

Before I say a whole lot more, know that I honestly believe everyone has a purpose on this rock, and that that purpose is tied in to our deepest desires - that both are given to us by the same God, and He's not in the business of misleading people. And the desires, these deep things, it's not the desire for monetary stability or comforts or even success . . . there is a kind of comfort, a kind of success that we long for, and it haunts us in the wee hours, tugs at our heart, plagues our dreams, but in a good way. Our deep desire is seen in how we envision our future, and in how we think of ourselves in relation to others. When we watch a movie and see something of what we desire in the story that unfolds on the screen, we find ourselves longing for it, nebulous though it may be.

Also, bloggers and blogging used to piss me off. I've kept a journal for a while, and there is stuff in there I don't want anyone to see - I used to think blogging was journaling, but less private; I envisioned bloggers as attention starved depressed losers living in someone's basement.

Oh irony. I am living in a basement. Though I need attention just like anyone else, I no longer am desperate for it. I'm not depressed, though I find my heart breaking quite a bit when I see our broken world (and me as a broken person). And what follows is not everything there is to know about me.

My own deep desires look a little something like this :

. I want to be used to help ease suffering, particularly of those who have been raped and abused, and especially children who have been traumatized in this way. I have a special burden for the invisible children of Uganda and Sudan, and for the sex slaves of SE Asia.

. I want to belong - I long to fit in. I don't want to do this alone. Though I am not a violent man and find a lot about war to dislike, one thing I appreciate about the military and anyone I know who is in it is a sense of togetherness. No one goes it alone. You need the soldier to your left and right. And if we aren't in a war as Christ - followers, then I wonder if we are following Christ. I want to chase my dreams with people whose hearts break in the same way.

. I don't just want to rescue from past experiences - I want to usher in something new and better. I don't want to wait until I am in Thailand or Sudan to be useful - I want to embrace my own usefulness right here, right now, in Calgary.


Maybe I'll fail along the way. But more and more, I'm starting to see failure not as a goal not reached, but a goal never attempted - not as a unlived dream, but an undreamt one.

It's gonna be a fun ride.

G