Expectations vs Expectancy

Kinda thinking today about relationships . . . . and not necessarily romantic ones, though there's probably something in here that can apply. No, more just friends / family / whatever. Though this is hardly an original thought, I would still like to share it.


One of the many things that can destroy or undermine a relationship is the feeling of havign your expectations crushed, unmet, ignored. Sure, we all have reasonable expectations - I expect my friends not to betray me, my family to love me, I'd expect my spouse to be faithful - and there are similar reasonable expectations they can have of me. That is fair, and, well, to be expected.

Beyond the basics though . . . . it would be unfair to expect someone to validate you. It's unhealthy to expect your kids to live out your dreams. It's twisted to expect someone to meet your every need. I don't know that too many people would disagree with this, but the devil's in the details. The hockey dad who gave up playing and still thinks he could have gone pro who won't leave Junior alone about how he needs to work on his stick handling . . . the woman who wants to feel like a woman and expects her man to be able to do that for her . . . the man who feels inadequate and gives his woman the power to make that true or false about him . . . the friend who smothers for fear of being rejected . . . the friend who pushes away for the same fear . . .

Not all expectations are positive. And to stop talking about this in "out there" terms, allow me to enter into this conversation as a flesh and blood person. I've been here. I've expected others to make me feel worth as a human. I've given "her" the power to tell me I'm a man or not. I've smothered others because I so value their affirmation, and distanced myself from others because I fear it will never come.

Expectancy - rather than live life havign a list of demands others must meet, I'm learning more and more to just be accepting of where people are, and celebrating that part of their journey. It's not easy, especially when the person is particularly close to my heart and the path they are on is not the best for them - they are still free to make those choices and learn from them. Having a sense of expectancy, to me, enjoys what is will looking forward to what will be, with no pressure, nothing forced, just flowing naturally.

I'm indebted to those who have helped me see life like this. They know who they are . . . and to those who remind me of thigns I already know.