about time to update . . .

So . . .

I feel and urge to write, but without really knowing about what yet. Usually when this happens, I rant about something, and usually it's got something to do with Christianity.

I wonder if Jesus would go to a church and call people there His. I get the feeling he would at Abundant Life, my community. I'm not saying this because I'm biased and think my friends and family here are so much better than everyone else I've met. I say it because it is the best example I've seen to date of a group of people honestly trying to be Jesus to the world around them.

Now, too often this looks like merely evangelizing. You know what? That word has been bastardized for far too long. Evangelism, evangelical, evangelizing - only sometimes does it require words. I mean, we all fully believe the adage that actions speak louder than words, right? So why the emphasis in certain circles of evangelical thought on making sure your presentation of the gospel follows these steps?

Are there actually steps to following Jesus? Did he really lay out the 5 principles of discipleship, the 7 steps to salvation, the 43 and a half marks or a true believer?

Or have we lost our imagination? Jesus says follow me, and we have no idea what that means outside of our own construct . . . or maybe we do, and it's too dangerous, and so we make a safe way to follow Christ where we can still buy $200 jeans and $100 shades without thinking once about the injustice of our extravagance. Hey, as long as we prayed a prayer once, our eternity is secure . . .

Well, that's debatable. But not here or now. Picture something with me - I'm dating this girl [which is actually a much easier picture than it has been. Her name's Alissa ;)]. I ask this girl to marry me. She says yes. I'm asked why I love her, and my response is this :

"Because one day we'll be married and I can have all the sex I want"

Well.

There are several things wrong with this thought, not the least of which is how unlikely I am to be able to demand sex whenever. What I really want to focus on is how unloving that is - I only love her for what she provides for me . . . not who she is, not what she is passionate about, not her laugh or her smile or her wit. Just her body. She is a means to an end.

When we focus so much on the belief that we will spend eternity in some form of better existence, and ignore what God is passionate about right here, right now, does He feel any less used?

And are we any less unloving?

Oh love

So. I met this girl. She pretty much rocks. Asher and I have this standing agreement that if I screw this up, he is to shoot me :)

She's got a wonderful heart for Jesus, a cute smile, the best laugh. She loves Star Wars and salted licorice candy. I am big and she is small, and even though my paws are twice the size of her little hands, she makes me feel safe.

It's not often that I feel danger. But there IS that danger that when you start to open yourself up to someone, they'll reject you. They won't like who you are, or how you present who you are.

Not so. At least, not so far . . . and I have this sneaking suspicion that not at all. Ever. With her. Which, really, is what relationships are all about, right? Trust.

Oh, you precious commodity. Oh trust. Oh love. Welcome back, my dear old friends . . .

Redemptive violence . . .

Now that Osama bin-Laden is dead, the world is a much safer place. As with all the deaths of tyrants and terrorists and villains throughout the ages, his passing has left the rest of us feeling more at ease, much safer, and less in need of strict and invasive security measures when flying.

When Hitler was killed, did we not have 50 years of unmitigated peace and tensionless rest?

When Bundy was killed, did we not end the threat of serial killers and predators?

After Hussein was killed, didn't Iraq become a much better place overnight?

And who can forget that one time when we killed Joseph Kony, leader of the Lord's Resistance Army, and ushered in a new era of peace for central Africa?

I mean, sure, just because the last one hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it won't. Well, it probably won't. No one gives a shit about child soldiers, not when 400 million people have a personal vendetta against one man, not when there is a barbecue to have outside the prison where Bundy was fried, and certainly not while there is oil to pump from the Middle East. Oh, and not when there are white Europeans dying.

I feel so stupid sometimes. Obviously I don't understand cause and effect relationships. It is good to overthrow a dictator in Iraq to infuse democracy into the region, but it's also good to turn a blind eye to a dictator in Cambodia who kills millions? I mean, the country is known for KILLING FIELDS. COME ON.

And it is good to kill a man for essentially masterminding the deaths of around 3000 people . . . but to stamp out the cause of death of at LEAST 3000 people a DAY? Is THAT worthwhile?

See what I mean - the things that make sense to me seem to be fairly low priority.

But hey, Osama's dead. That shit should put food in the bellies of the malnourished, right? Good thing we did that one first. And in record time, too. I mean, it took far longer to apprehend Saddam . . .

Can I also, stupidly, take time to point out that BOTH men were once US allies? If this pattern keeps up, I think we as Canadians should rethink our ties to the south . . . ( http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,450997-2,00.html )

Ok. Enough sarcasm and satire for now. More than anything else, I am so very saddened by the mentality that violence can bring about good. Unless you're God and the violence involved is the death of Your Son, killing someone rarely has the intent you meant for it. Just ask the Pharisees. Just as killing Americans did NOT make the nation crumble as Osama thought it would, killing Osama will NOT make every young Muslim say, "Hey. This is stupid."

You don't beat violence with violence. You conquer it with something far greater . . .

kingdom come

sometimes i want to use words to say these things that i just . . . feel, inside, in that part of you that just intuitively knows stuff and thinks stuff. we call it the gut, and i'm sure other cultures have called it different things.

at any rate, music is really the only way i've found to even begin to convey what it is i think or sense of feel when i think or sense or feel what i'm trying to convey . . . convoluted, right? i'll try again.

i have this deep, abiding hope that all will work out in the end. i can't really articulate what i base this on, because it precedes anything i learned about God, but certainly He plays a central role in it. it's captured, a bit, by the benediction "and they lived happily ever after" . . . that we all learned so well as children and promptly forgot as adults because it didn't seem to fit into what we saw happening around us. what if they DO live happily ever after? what if i could be a part of they? is that too crazy? and what if happily ever after starts right here, right now, with the story we're all caught up in every day of our lives . . . ?

here are some links to songs that feel like what i'm trying to get across . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS7cz5jpPf8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5wOHIi7xCU&annotation_id=annotation_307340&feature=iv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hre5fkdq-0&feature=related (minus the little bit at the end - those who have seen the show know why it's there, but to me, for this blog, it's not part of the song that i treasure )

at any rate, i feel a little bit better get this out, because it IS something that feels like it needs to get out

sara in the sky with diamonds

She probably doesn't realize I'm doing this right now ( and is currently singing her own rendition of Tubthumping : " Sara gets knocked down, but she gets up again . . . . " ), but I'm writing out a little blog about one of my favorite people in the world right now.

There's a Final Four match going on in the background, in my room - Butler is leading VCU by three - and Sara is whistling a Christmas tune ( what are the odds), and the only other noise is the clacking of the keys and the little alert from her phone that she has a text message.

I friggin love Sara. So much.

Today has been an awesome day. In the three years since I first met Sara, I think we've got to a point where no matter what we do, we have the time of our lives doing it. Today we walked to a 7/11 in the snow, pushed a car out, took one on the chin (that was her, not me), and kinda just cozied up in front of a fireplace and watched Friday Night Lights . . .

We are now arguing over how to sing the chorus of Fare Thee Well Love.

I write this because, since we are both human beings, there will probably be a time in our friendship when we aren't close. I will do something stupid, or she will misunderstand something I did, or I'll misread a situation, or any of the plethora of ways that a relationship can go sour. And, well (ha), I wanted to kinda preserve today a bit.

Today was the day we worked her name into every song. And it was hilarious, fun, and perfect.

Thanks, Champ, for being a friend. I'm a much better human being because I met you.

today is the greatest day i've ever known

dance with me
oh lover of my soul
to the song of all songs . . .

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Today was one of those days I wish I could freeze and playback whenever I need to. Maybe this act of jotting down just what today meant to me will serve to accomplish that . . .

Though there are many things that bring me delight in life, nothing comes anywhere close to playing the drums for me. There's many reasons why - I love the physicality of it, the fact that there are intricacies to it that mean you can play the same song a plethora of ways and it still sounds good, the freedom of motion, the ability to impact a song in a way so different from any other instrument . . . But really, the biggest draw to the drums for me is that I can't do it on my own. Drums sound at their best when accompanying other instruments, and they never sound good if they're drowning everyone out. It's a secondary part of a song - vital, sure, but rarely focal. It serves as a great metaphor for the lessons I've been learning over the past few years about how I fit in to this Body of Christ called the Church.

Today, in church, we were tight. I loved how we sounded. I loved playing with a group of talented musicians and great friends. I loved playing The Stand, which has a drum solo bit, but it's such a complimentary solo that it never feels like I'm taking over forcefully.

I loved sharing the Eucharist with my family at Abundant Life.
I loved the phone call with my mom.
I loved hanging out with Sara, who is one of my best friends in the whole wide world.
I loved listening to Dance with Me by Jesus Culture while writing this.
I loved sharing every moment with the One Who gets me better than anyone else, the One I am so ridiculously in love with . . .

And, well, I just had to say something.

The Adventure

here we go
life's waiting to begin . .

I love Angels and Airwaves. Go listen to The Adventure right now. Or not, really. I'm not going to know either way. But if you do, and especially if it's your first time hearing it, you'll know you discovered one of those encapsulating songs that says more than its lyrics, as though talking to a part of you you're not always sure of yourself . . .

Maybe I'm a crazy optimist, and maybe I'm fairly stupid at times in my persistent belief that all things will be made right, but, well, I can't help but be bouyed by hope no matter what happens in life.

I'm entering into a new chapter in life, and the fear is there . . . but it's not a fear of failing, a fear of making a mistake, a fear of screwing up. No, it's a fear of doing nothing with this passion in me . . .